I want you to know the decision was based on ratings.
We need the public at home to know
that none of their beloved characters are safe.
Please don't be mad. It's not like the show
was going to last forever anyway.
I want you to know your character was our favorite
and we're so sad to let you go but
the way TV shows work these days
it won't be too long before you find another job.
I want you to know we still have an option
to bring you back for an episode or two
but we won't hold it against you
if you choose to snipe at us in E! Entertainment.
You can collect your severance payment
and please leave your badge at the door.
Parting from the show may be heartwrenching
but in the end it will be the best for all.
I want you to know it was a pleasure working with you.
Don't blame us, it's our screenwriters fault.
They are like mad monkeys, those poor men.
We do know that the kiss form episode three
was uncalled for and we forced them to correct that mistake,
but we also let it slide when they kissed again
on episode fifteen, because good television is why we live
and we have to pay our bills.
To all the characters that won't come back next season
extras and heroes and villains, we have a favor to ask,
please, turn on your TV set this Friday at 8:00 PM sharp.
We have planned a season finale
like nothing you've seen in your life
there will be cries, bullets and fireworks
and at least one major character will die.
To all the character's that won't come back next season
please be kind. We will miss you deeply
and when the show gets canceled and forgtten
and there aren't even DVD sales to remind us of our time
of fame, of glory, of money and magazine covers
we will all be nothing but a fading page on a TV Guide.
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